


Empathy

by AlineRusu



Series: The Daring Adventure of Life [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ableism, Author is disabled, Autistic Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has Chronic Pain (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Brain Fog, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Comforting Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Disability, Disabled Aziraphale (Good Omens), Disabled Character, Dizziness, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Empathy, Experimentation, Fainting, Fluff, Headaches & Migraines, Hypermobility Disorders, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mobility Aids, Mobility Aids Are Great, Nausea, Orthostatic Headaches, Orthostatic Intolerance, Other, Physical Disability, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Supportive Crowley (Good Omens), They talk to eachother y'all!, Vomiting, Walking Canes, Worried Crowley (Good Omens), author has chronic pain, pots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlineRusu/pseuds/AlineRusu
Summary: "“Okay, so, just to recap,” said Aziraphale, wringing his hands slightly. “We will go in order of increasing severity so you aren’t thrown into the deep end, as it were.”Crowley nodded and Aziraphale continued on."Another story in The Daring Adventure of Life. It will make very little sense if you haven't at least read "Part of the Dance."In which Aziraphale and Crowley make good on their plan to switch corporations so Crowley can learn what it's like to live with Aziraphale's particular disabilitites.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: The Daring Adventure of Life [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731769
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! Back again. I hope you all enjoy this. All the things described in this story are based on my own symptoms, so if you don't see a particular one you were expecting, that is why. I'm always curious as to how able-bodied people would cope with being chucked into my messed up body, and this is an exploration of that idea.  
> Also! Be nice to your disabled friends and family. Not all disabilities are visible and it's not always easy to cope. Listen to them, empathize with them if you can, try to understand what they're going through.
> 
> As always, love and spoons to you all. (:

There are many different types of days in the grand scheme of things. Every person (or celestial being) experiences many sorts over the course of their lives but most will experience only a few on a regular basis. In terms of pain, on a scale of 1 to 10 Aziraphale’s days were usually around the 3 - 6 range. Depending on his activity level, this could increase or decrease. Some days, however, seemed to have neither rhyme nor reason to their pain levels.

Aziraphale woke up sore. This was unusual for two reasons: first, his pain was usually in his joints, not his muscles; second, he’d done nothing the day before except sit and read his books and go to dinner with Crowley. The angel tried to look on the bright side: if it was muscle soreness, then maybe stretching or some other such thing would help. He pushed himself upright and groaned involuntarily. This wasn’t the sort of pain he knew and that made it harder to cope.

The demon dozing next to him rolled over in his sleep and wrapped an arm around Aziraphale’s legs, effectively trapping him in bed.

He flopped back down for a morning spent in bed with Crowley. This wasn’t truly a hardship. There wasn’t much he liked better than being with his demon, in whatever capacity. Discreetly, he tried to stretch a bit without waking his partner. He was, apparently, unsuccessful.

Crowley buried his face in Aziraphale’s belly and mumbled something that was probably meant to be ‘Good Morning’ but ended up sounding more like ‘Fud Merging.’

Aziraphale looked down at his beloved and grinned. How could he be disgruntled by something as silly as sore muscles when he had this to distract him? He ran his fingers through Crowley’s lengthening hair.

“Good morning, darling,” he murmured. He loved these sleepy mornings.

Crowley looked up at him, sleep still in the corners of his unguarded golden eyes. “Hey, angel. ‘Sup?”

Aziraphale laughed. “Just enjoying this cozy morning, my dear.”

The demon harrumphed at ‘cozy’ but once again nuzzled into Aziraphale’s torso.

“Crowley, I’ve been thinking,” began the angel. “We should discuss our plan. You know, for when we switch corporations so you can, erm, experience what I feel.” The whole thing was still a bit uncomfortable for Aziraphale to think about. It was only a couple weeks since they had returned to England from their diagnostic excursion to the US and he still wasn’t completely comfortable admitting his disability.

Crowley sat up again, this time shifting so he was resting on his elbow. Aziraphale envied his ability to stay in that position without anything subluxing. He pushed that distinctly un-angelic thought from his mind and continued.

“I don’t want to jump into it without some sort of plan. You know, in case of emergency or something like that.”

Crowley blinked some of the sleep from his eyes. “Seems like an idea. Let’s get breakfast and talk it over, hm? How’re you feeling today, anyhow?”

“Not terrible, darling. Sore, oddly enough. Muscles, not joints. And not terribly dizzy either. It’s hard-ish to move but not in the normal way. Maybe a Middling Day?”

Crowley smiled. “Sooooo… Is that a yes for breakfast?”

Aziraphale smiled again. Crowley did so love watching him eat. “Yes my dear. Though I think I’d prefer to stay in.”

“Your wish is my command, angel.” Crowley got up from the bed, snapped on his attire for the day (a black, semi-sheer maxi-dress), and stretched with a groan.

Aziraphale sat up slowly, trying not to anger his already distressed muscles. As though sensing how gingerly the angel was moving, Crowley went over to help. After a relieved nod of consent from Aziraphale, the demon wrapped one arm around Aziraphale’s waist and offered the other hand for the angel to steady himself. Once Aziraphale was up, Crowley brought his angel some simple garments which would be easy to put on, made sure his cane was within reach, and went downstairs to fix some breakfast.

Once Crowley was gone, Aziraphale sighed and began to dress. He could have miracled himself into the clothes but the sudden change of texture would have been too much for his pain-addled brain today. And besides. He didn’t know how a miracle would affect him when he was feeling like this. He grabbed his cane and made his way downstairs to the kitchen.

* * *

Crowley bustled about the kitchen while he waited for Aziraphale to come down. He knew that his angel was short-changing how bad he felt again but he chalked it up to it being a different kind of pain than he was used to.

Using this information, he was preparing something light. He knew that the risk of nausea wasn’t as high if Aziraphale wasn’t dizzy but he didn’t want to risk it. He also knew that Aziraphale’s appetite was never as active if he was in pain.

Just as he was laying the table with tea, toast, and scrambled eggs, he heard the creak of the staircase signaling the arrival of his angel. He turned to stare unashamedly at his love. Even several months after the failed Apocalypse, he still wasn’t used to being allowed to do these things.

Aziraphale noticed the staring and blushed, looking down at the floor. Crowley sauntered over to him and hooked a long forefinger under the angel’s chin, lifting it so he was able to see Aziraphale’s face. He leaned down and gently kissed his partner’s lips before sweeping him off his feet, cane and all, and carrying him to the kitchen table for breakfast.

The angel was giggling by the time Crowley put him down, a sound which never failed to make Crowley’s heart soar. He settled into the chair across from Aziraphale and poured them both a cup of tea. Aziraphale chuckled a few more times, then served himself a piece of toast and a moderate helping of eggs.

Crowley let the quiet calm of the morning settle over him for a few minutes before he breached the intended topic of discussion.

“So angel, what sort of plan were you thinking? To be honest, I’m not sure what you meant by ‘in case of emergency.’”

Aziraphale swallowed his bite of toast and took a sip of tea before answering.

“Well darling, you remember how you felt during the initial swap, surely. That wasn’t a particularly bad day, all told. I don’t want you to get overwhelmed, and if you do, I want to make sure we have a plan to fall back on, as it were.” He paused. “Crowley, are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to, you know. It’s just that, well, it really isn’t pleasant and I don’t want you to have to experience this if you don’t have to.”

Crowley interrupted, knowing that Aziraphale would just keep rambling and getting himself worked up if nothing stopped him.

“Angel, hey. This was my idea to begin with, remember? I want to understand you and your struggles. Not just because I’m curious, but because I love you and I want to be able to help you more effectively. As it is, you know I have my own struggles, but PTSD and panic attacks are something we’ve been able to deal with easily.”

Aziraphale looked at him skeptically.

“All right, well, not _easily_ per se, but it’s been easier to manage for us because I can’t hide it. You know exactly what’s going on no matter what because you can _see_ it. I can’t see your pain. I don’t know what it’s like. I want to have the empathy for you that you have for me when I’m struggling.”

“Okay.”

“What?” asked Crowley, startled by Aziraphale’s simple reaction.”

“I said okay. We can do this.” His smile was quivering with unshed tears. “You don’t know how much this means to me, dearest.”

Crowley reached across the table to take Aziraphale’s hand. “I do. I do because you’d do the same for me, were our places switched. And that’s all I need to know.”

* * *

An hour or so later found the celestial pair sitting on the sofa in the backroom of the bookshop discussing the details of their plan.

“Okay, so, just to recap,” said Aziraphale, wringing his hands slightly. “We will go in order of increasing severity so you aren’t thrown into the deep end, as it were.”

Crowley nodded and Aziraphale continued on.

“We’ll go about our daily routines as best as we can, though we will make accommodations for you as you’re not used to it like I am. Furthermore, we will need to purchase any mobility aids that you may need and ones I may require while in your corporation in the correct size.”

Here, Crowley interrupted. “Let’s stick with just a cane for me, angel. It’s what you use in your body, after all. And I want to replicate your experiences as closely as possible.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Very well. Moving on. On the last switch, we’ll ask Anathema and Newt to come down so there will at least be someone around who can get out of bed. Finally, you will keep a record of your thoughts and feelings surrounding the experience. At the end of the experiment, we will discuss things and see where we want to go from there.”

Crowley sighed and sat back against the arm of the sofa.

“Sounds good to me, dove. Now. What are you feeling up to today? Because I fancy doing something. Just dunno what.”

Aziraphale smiled and rested a hand on Crowley’s thigh. “I think I could manage a short walk to the duck pond. We could bring some frozen peas for them to eat.”

Crowley grinned back at Aziraphale. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”


	2. Good Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack! Sorry this took so long. I'm in my final semester of college and it's been crazy, and on top of that I've been having a heck of a time with my autism and C-PTSD.  
> Take care of yourself, friends. Your emotional and physical needs are valid and important and supersede homework!

A week after their planning conversation, Crowley woke to his shoulder being gently shaken. Blearily, he opened his eyes, squinting to get used to the pale dawn light.

“Crowley? Crowley, dear. Wake up.”

His angel’s voice roused him fully. Aziraphale didn’t sound upset but Crowley was still immediately on alert.

“Wha? Hm? ’S wrong?” He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

Aziraphale giggled. “Nothing is wrong darling. It’s just, I think today is a Good Day, and we said we’d do the first switch on the next one, so…” He trailed off.

Crowley rubbed a hand over his face. Right. He’d forgotten about that.

“Oh, yeah. Sure angel. Jus’ let me wake up minute.” He rolled over to face Aziraphale, examining his features. There were worried creases between his eyebrows and at the tight corners of his mouth. He reached out a hand and brushed it over the Principality’s cheek. “You know, I do still want to do this, dove. I haven’t changed my mind.”

Aziraphale’s face softened, just a little. “Oh, that’s good to hear you say, my dear boy. I just still… well, I know you want this, but I’m still worried about putting you through this.”

Crowley’s mouth twitched in an odd combination of a smile and a frown. “Aziraphale. I know what I’m getting myself into. It’s not like I’m a stranger to pain myself. I mean, yeah, it’s not like yours, but I did Fall. And I’ve been around for over 6,000 years. I know what it feels like to hurt.” He paused before continuing. “And besides. I’ll have you to help me through it.”

The angel smiled gently and covered Crowley’s hand with his own. “That you will. Very well. I’m ready whenever you are.”

Crowley sat up and stretched vigorously, back cracking (Just because he didn’t have the celestial equivalent of EDS didn’t mean his back wasn’t prone to popping). He nodded, and held out a hand to his partner. “Let’s do this.”

Aziraphale solemnly took Crowley’s hand, took a deep breath, and started the switch.

Now that they had done it before, it came more easily. The flow of their essences, their souls, between the two vessels was a remarkable sensation: Crowley could feel Aziraphale’s conflicting worry and excitement for a moment as their essences mixed. They had been surprised to find that there were no apparent adverse effects to the mingling of their beings. A pleasant surprise, to be sure, but a surprise nonetheless.

As he flowed into Aziraphale’s corporation, he didn’t initially notice much of a difference. It really was a Good Day then. He continued taking stock as he settled in. There was the normal stiffness that came with just having woken up but along side that he could feel a slight ache in his shoulders and hips. He wriggled them a bit, shoulders popping lightly. He also noticed he was hungry. Leave it to the angel to give him a hungry corporation. Ah well. He _was_ supposed to be living like Aziraphale for the day. He looked over to the other being, starting when he saw his own corporation. Damn, this was going to take some getting used to.

Aziraphale rolled his shoulders and ran a hand through the shoulder-length red hair. “I’d forgotten what it’s like to have so much limb!” He grinned at Crowley, then sobered. “How do you feel, darling?”

“Fine, angel. You were right, this doesn’t feel too different yet.”

Aziraphale visibly relaxed. “Well. That’s good, darling. Would you care for something to eat? I was a bit peckish before.”

“Sure thing. Whadda ya say to some crêpes?”

After a lovely meal at a crêperie down the street and a relaxing morning and lunch spent at the bookshop, the ineffable pair made their way to St. James’s Park. This was a common enough occurrence, especially when Aziraphale was having a Good Day. The place held so many memories, good and bad, and it felt almost blasphemous to walk anywhere else if they were nearby.

They argued as they got out of the Bentley.

“Crowley, I really must insist.”

“Angel, c’mon. You’re not bringing one!”

“Well, yes, but _I_ know what I can handle!”

Crowley sighed, exasperated. “Well it’s _your_ body, Aziraphale. Shouldn’t what you can handle be the same for you as for me?”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes behind the dark frames of Crowley’s sunglasses. “Just because I can deal with something doesn’t mean you can! It’s as much psychological as it is physical. What if you were to twist an ankle?” He wrung his hands slightly. “I certainly won’t be able to carry you back to the car. And besides, I know how to be careful. You don’t.” He shoved the cane he was holding into Crowley’s hands before he started walking down the path.

The demon spluttered as his angel walked away. He wasn’t used to the protective streak Aziraphale had been showing since they switched this morning. He wasn’t sure he liked it. Regardless of this, Crowley hurried after the angel.

He was puffing like he’d just run the distance instead of walked briskly, which annoyed him, but he was with Aziraphale and that’s what mattered.

Aziraphale himself wasn’t panting like Crowley, but he had paused for a moment just before the Duck Island Cottage to catch his breath. He smiled at his demon, apparently having either forgotten or forgiven him for their spat just moments before.

“Are you quite all right, dearest?” inquired the angel.

“Sure angel. Jus’ gimme a minute,” answered Crowley, leaning on the cane in spite of himself. After he had composed himself just a bit more, he gestured for them to continue on. They headed for their traditional spot on the north side of the pond, ambling slowly and admiring the scenery. It was still nippy out, so they were both swaddled in several layers. Thankfully though, it had decided not to rain so their waterproofs and umbrellas were left at home. Crowley was surprised to note that he wasn’t as cold as usual while wearing Aziraphale’s corporation. His hands though, were freezing. How odd.

Upon reaching their spot, Crowley stood gazing out over the pond. The ducks recognized the pair and immediately swarmed them. The demon reached into the pocket of Aziraphale’s coat (they had decided it was best to dress like each other when they went out, so as not to confuse any acquaintances) and scattered the peas he had brought for them. He loved the little buggers, though it would take either torture or a vast amount of alcohol to get him to admit it.

They stood in relative silence for some time, the comfortable quiet broken only by an occasional endearment towards the ducks by Aziraphale. (Needless to say, this confused the ducks greatly. They weren’t used to the tall dark one expressing his affection. It was a nice change.)

Eventually, Crowley became aware that Aziraphale was glancing at him with increased frequency.

“What’s up, angel?” he inquired. He was surprised to find he was a bit breathless.

“Oh, um, nothing.”

Crowley gave Aziraphale a look, skeptical.

“Oh, fine. You see, well, you seem to be, um, swaying. Just a bit. And I was thinking, maybe we should sit down?”

Crowley bristled a bit, his mind providing him with various retorts before he realized what he was doing and forced himself to settle down. He took stock again and was surprised to find that his upright posture was indeed wavering a bit. Crowley sighed and nodded stiffly.

Aziraphale let out a relieved huff of air and led them over to a bench across the path from the pond. After sitting down, he took Crowley’s hand in his and rubbed his thumb over the round knuckles. Crowley couldn’t quite place the look on his angel’s face. He sighed again.

“Aziraphale, what’s going on in your head right now? You’re acting weird.” He flinched inwardly at the bluntness of the statement. He wasn’t usually so brash with the angel. What was going on with him today?

Aziraphale looked over to Crowley and sighed again before speaking. “I… well, I suppose I’m still worried about you, is all. I know how annoying it is for people to flutter over you like you’re broken or incapable, especially on Good Days, but I just can’t help it!”

Crowley smiled as gently as he could, understanding. “You don’t need to worry, Aziraphale. At least, not yet. Though, I suppose now you know how hard it can be for me not to hover when you’re feeling poorly.”

The angel nodded, biting his lower lip gently in a self-regulating gesture. “Yes, I suppose I do. And now you know how terribly uncomfortable it can be for me when you do what I’ve been doing. Well, the purpose of this entire exercise is empathy, but I suppose I’m getting some education on that front as well. I never really imagined how difficult it would be to avoid acting the mother hen.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “That being said, dearest, you _were_ swaying and you _did_ need to sit down. I know from experience that standing in one place for too long, even on a good day, can be challenging. If you took your shoes off and looked, your feet would probably be quite purple by now.” He looked down and tucked his teeth over his lip again.

Crowley laughed at the mental image of Aziraphale’s corporation anywhere in public (besides the seaside) without shoes and stockings. He didn’t think he’d seen Aziraphale that casually dressed since they were in Rome, before stockings had become common.

“Yeah, well…” He grimaced and blushed slightly. “I suppose I need to be more aware of myself on days like this.”

Aziraphale nodded, still chewing on his lower lip.

“And… I suppose I should be more open to your recommendations. This is your body, after all.”

The angel nodded again.

Crowley shook his head to clear the light fog that had crept in while they were standing. It seemed like Aziraphale wasn’t going to be talking for a bit, so he just sat in silence, twining his fingers with his angel’s and enjoying the cool afternoon air.

It was nearly five o’clock by the time Aziraphale spoke again.

“I’m sorry about that, my dear. I just got a bit overwhelmed.” His speech was soft and sounded odd in Crowley’s usually rough voice.

“’S all right, angel. It happens. You feeling okay now?”

The principality nodded and continued. “I imagine you’re feeling a bit hungry right now. Am I right?”

Crowley thought about it for a minute before nodding. This whole ‘being aware of his body’ thing was taking some getting used to. “Yeah, could do for some supper.”

Aziraphale smiled. “Why don’t we go to that delightful little hole-in-the-wall cafe just down the way? The one that’s been there for simply ages?”

Crowley smiled back and agreed, standing up and stretching. He then promptly sat back down and blinked rapidly, stunned by how close he’d just come to falling.

Aziraphale was immediately fluttering again, but Crowley didn’t mind so much this time. He was genuinely confused by what had just happened.

“Crowley? Are you all right? Oh, I should have warned you not to get up so quickly after sitting for so long. And especially not to stretch like that! Goodness, you could have fainted!” He kept rambling as Crowley reoriented himself and got his breath back. Finally, he felt able to communicate effectively again.

“Angel. Angel, calm down. I’m fine. You know how it is. I’ve just never felt like that before. It was surprising, is all.”

“Did you get dizzy? Lightheaded?” inquired Aziraphale.

“Yeah, and a little weak in the knees. But I’m fine now, really. Let’s get going, huh?” He stood again, more slowly this time and without the added stretch. There was no dizziness or head rush this time, and he grinned at his love as he offered him a hand.

Aziraphale took the proffered hand and they made their way back to the Bentley.

Dinner was lovely, as expected, and their evening was calm and quiet with Aziraphale sitting on the sofa, reading, and Crowley watching James Bond films on the telly. As evening concluded and nighttime began, Aziraphale began to yawn and Crowley found himself imitating him.

“Time for bed, angel?”

Aziraphale nodded and covered up another yawn. “I believe so, my dear. How are you feeling?”

Crowley thought about that for a moment. “Tired. More tired than I’m used to for the amount of activity we’ve had today. But other than that, not too bad.”

Aziraphale smiled. “And you still want to finish the 24 hours?”

Crowley nodded and yawned again. “Yeah, angel. I’ll stick it out.” He winked so Aziraphale would know he was teasing and not complaining.

Together, they went up the stairs, dressed for bed, and laid down snuggled against each other. It was odd to Crowley to feel bony joints on his partner where usually he felt soft curves and rounded edges, but eventually they settled comfortably and drifted off to sleep. ‘ _All in all,_ ’ thought Crowley, ‘ _not too bad a day._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note, I mention self-regulating behavior. That's essentially another word for stimming, which is short for self-stimulation. Everyone does it, but neurodivergent people do it more to help regulate themselves in an over- or underwhelming world. Tucking your bottom lip between your teeth is a pretty common stim in autistic people such as myself. It's not usually done in a self-injurious way, and it's just a sort of gentle way of creating more sensation when needed. (:


End file.
